LHN, how much?
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LHN, how much?
C'mon! An arm and a leg... ;)
Well it's about time!
Let's eat Uncle Harvey!...
Let's eat, Uncle Harvey!
Sometimes a comma can be a real life saver.
Q: What does it sound like when a Pterodactyl goes to the bathroom?
A: Nothing, their P is silent.
That's psilly! So you can't hear a pterodactly's P except when they poop?Quote:
Originally Posted by spiralsands
Now you have me wondering what their pharts smell like.
The Captain over the intercom: Folks I know what you are thinking but I'm here to tell you that landing was not the Airlines fault. It wasn't the planes fault. It wasn't even the pilots fault. It was the asphalt.
Thanks spiralsands. Ya just had to give him potty humor, didn't ya?
Not a joke, but a true story from today that I thought was funny.
Driving to one of my jobs, I entered a highway construction zone which had the cattle chutes set up. There was a 10 foot width restriction, with a detour set up for those with wider loads. Wellllllllll, I guess some dude towing half of a modular home thought that the 10 foot limit must have been a bit conservative, and he was correct for the first couple miles of the construction zone. Unfortunately, he was wrong where three bridges were being reconstructed, and the lanes did choke way down. I didn't actually see this nut make the run, but I did see the aftermath. He made it through the first two choke downs, but not without leaving a bunch of insulation, siding, and other misc home components. He didn't make the third, and apparently firmly wedged it into that choke down. We were stuck there for a while, and I got out to ask the dump truck driver in front of me what he was hearing on the CB, and he confirmed it was a mobile home. We weren't going anywhere for a while so some of the construction crew and some troopers had us all back out to the first exit behind us. (which was about a half mile of backing for me) At least the slow backing gave me time to take in all the scrapes on the Jersey Barriers and the misc building materials stuffed into the bridge guardrails! http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v3...rnado/rofl.gif
I guess I shouldn't laugh though. Unless he was an owner/operator, he pretty much guaranteed a loss of his job, and I'm sure the fines will be steep.
Sure, you get all the excitement and the smiles left on your face. Sometimes, you just have to laugh. Bet the driver thought he was going to get where he wanted to be in time for dinner. Oh well.
about 15 years ago we were on vacation driving on a highway through a series of small towns. As you entered each town there was a large yellow and black triangular sign that said, 'SLOW CHILDREN' my smart-aleck teenage daughter commented, "if I had a slow child, I doubt I'd advertise it to the world!"
Ha! I use to say similar things every time we went by a SLOW CHILDREN PLAYING sign. I just pictured some kid moving in slow motion trying to dribble a basketball or something.
Kind of like Tai Chi. It works as long as a mugger attacks you in slow motion.
I'm thinking that "slow children" are the only ones who would be stopped by EFO.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6XldR7pCFI
Maybe not technically a joke but still funny.
Q: What happened to the Easter Bunny when he misbehaved at school?
A: He was eggspelled!
Q: Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs?
A: She had to call an eggs-terminator!
Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A: Bugs Bunny!
You're welcome very much!!
thanks for the chuckle, spiralsands:)
So, last night I was reading a book on antigravity, I couldn't put it down.
It'sa nice, light read.... Have you gotten to the part where they explain where the center of antigravity is?
I'll put the answer in the next post so it doesn't spoil it for you.
It's between G and A.
My co-workers were talking at lunch about various local foods, and the topic of strong cheeses came up. One, a Frenchman, said, "There are no strong cheeses, only weak people." :-)
Are you kitten me right meow?
A carpenter was fixing the roof of a church, when he struck his thumb.
"Dammit, I missed!" cries the carpenter.
The minister corrects him, saying, "You shouldn't say such a thing in the church."
The carpenter continues his work, and soon strikes his thumb again. "Dammit, I missed!" he yells. The minister again corrects the carpenter.
The carpenter continues with his work without further comment. Again the carpenter strikes his thumb, and again he yells, "Dammit, I missed!"
When the minister corrects him this time, the carpenter asks, "What's going to happen? A bolt of lightening going to strike me dead?"
The minister says, "As a matter of fact, yes it will."
Suddenly a bolt of lightening comes through the roof, and strikes the minister dead. A large booming voice is heard saying, "Dammit, I missed!"
The National Park Rangers are advising hikers in Glacier National Park and other Rocky Mountain parks to be alert for bears and take extra precautions to avoid an encounter.
They advise park visitors to wear little bells on their clothes so they make noise when hiking.
The bell noise allows bears to hear them coming from a distance and not be startled by a hiker accidentally sneaking up on them. This might cause a bear to charge.
Visitors should also carry pepper spray just in case a bear is encountered. Spraying the pepper into the air will irritate the bear's sensitive nose and it will run away.
It is also a good idea to keep an eye out for fresh bear scat so you have an idea if bears are in the area. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat.
Black bear droppings are smaller and often contain berries, leaves, and possibly bits of fur.
Grizzly bear droppings tend to contain small bells and smell like pepper.
:)
LOL! I was wondering why you posting a hiking warning here.
it kinda sneaks up on you:) when I first read it, I really WAS laughing out loud!
I was telling this, as seriously as I could, to a coworker and her husband at the Muffin Store today. Middle of the second sentence Dave (coworkers husband) gets all wide eyed and excited and says "I have this killer joke that will fit right in with this story when you're through!". He was in such a hurry to get to his joke that he was "helping" me through my informative thing, which made the gag seem all the more real to Denise (coworker). When I get to the part about the bear poop, poor Dave is beside himself as he realized that his joke and my story were all the same. He slapped the table (we were in the food court) and screeched out the description of Grizzly poop loud enough that the folks next door at Walmart musta heard it.Quote:
Originally Posted by panderson03
Poor Denise was horrified at the entire thing, still not realizing that she was really in the middle of Dave's joke. All she knew was that all those customers were gawking at the crazy man, the fat ole man in the Hawaiian shirt, and that gal who folds clothes all day long.
The Coyote strikes again.
glad you made good use of it, Mr Nut! :) our Costco loves me. I'm in there a couple times a week!
I just recently signed up for a Costco membership. I went in last weekend, bought 3 items, and left feeling like one of those cartoons where someone is held upside down by their ankles until all the money falls out of their pockets.
As you'd expect, it wasn't the (unit) prices, but the quantities. I can't even imagine shopping for the Duggar family.
Have you guys seen the new movie called "Constipation"?
No? That's because it hasn't come out yet . . .