Joke thread (Don't read if you don't like funny)

[mudflap]

I use that last tool regularly!
So much so, that the neighbor has stopped asking if I'm OK when I proceed with playing out the requirements of using aforementioned tool. [emoji28]

Sent from my SM-G955U1 using Tapatalk


lol. I'm a "weapon of war" man myself.

[allen84]

lol. I'm a "weapon of war" man myself.

Same here! The BFH (best friend hammer) is my favorite. It can be used to make certain your coworkers are alive and awake. One swing is all it takes to watch someone try and run while laying on a creeper under a crane... Doesn't matter how much you kick your feet, if they never touch the ground, you're running nowhere! LOL!!!

My supervisor would get me EVERY TIME I was welding next to a fuel tank. That always resulted in two bangs... First the hammer bang, then the "Allen jumping for dear life but he's under a crane head bang."

[mudflap]

those monoliths popping up everywhere these days:

https://i.postimg.cc/y87nnTY6/129230773-4169810859702377-3918871449424913011-o.jpg

[TAB]

Lol, didn't realize that was making the news nationally. It's a pretty hot topic here in Utah lately.

Sent from my SM-G981U using Tapatalk

[loghousenut]

those monoliths popping up everywhere these days:

https://i.postimg.cc/y87nnTY6/129230773-4169810859702377-3918871449424913011-o.jpgYou could strip the tinfoil off of that thing and make a bunch of tinfoil hats.

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

https://youtu.be/dd1MMkdUW6c

one of my favorites.

Also why I don't take my car in.

[mudflap]

for you non-face-bookers:


https://www.bitchute.com/video/C1y82ICEkTug/

[allen84]

for you non-face-bookers:


https://www.bitchute.com/video/C1y82ICEkTug/

I laughed too hard when I saw this... Reminded me of my first FULL crane refurb (first ever full refurb in the shop), boss looked real nervous when he saw my pile of 118 hydraulic hoses, asked if I knew where they all went. Me with a big smile: "I think so!" LOL!

[mudflap]

my rule is I keep stuffing bolts back in there until I have 3 left, then I fire it up and let her rip!

[mudflap]

https://i.postimg.cc/WtcDtJdv/144385569-3648451278536362-3085033308640408439-o.jpg

they meant they weren't tested on "Allen", not 'animals".

[rreidnauer]

[emoji1] I want to see that laboratory operation now!

Sent from my SM-G955U1 using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

[emoji1] I want to see that laboratory operation now!

Sent from my SM-G955U1 using Tapatalk

me too!

probably doesn't include this animal:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7y3F7IUC2I

[mudflap]

I need this.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u17ll043Ld8

[allen84]

https://i.postimg.cc/WtcDtJdv/144385569-3648451278536362-3085033308640408439-o.jpg

they meant they weren't tested on "Allen", not 'animals".

Must be a small.

[misplayed-hand]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvP-GHxSLco&feature=emb_logo

[rreidnauer]

I need this.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u17ll043Ld8What? No supercharger? [emoji28]

Sent from my SM-G955U1 using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

not really a joke, well - you decide:


https://www.bitchute.com/video/Aoy4ow1OPOY1/

crazy guy cutting a palm tree with a chainsaw. even mudflap aint this cray-cray.

[loghousenut]

I met the guy when I was in LA. Seems we are related.

He is Completleynuts (CPN)!

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[allen84]

You know what they say about big bolts?
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210404/daa599a644feea467a6093e0b5bb91fa.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[misplayed-hand]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-0wTjeldeo&list=LL&index=2

[allen84]

I've seen this! I'm thinking about doing a Ron Beer conversion on a jeep I have. It will be a 4 wheel drive deck mower model. Deck out front, I'll raise and lower it with a winch. No joke. Not sure why I even bought a tractor now.

[mudflap]

that's funny right there.

[allen84]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210505/91fb99bc30ee749388bd0aaeda51b995.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[rreidnauer]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210505/91fb99bc30ee749388bd0aaeda51b995.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using TapatalkI heard that the cartels are smuggling plywood in across the southern border now. [emoji1]

Sent from my SM-G955U1 using Tapatalk

[misplayed-hand]

... again. I do need a telehandler after-all.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsPfgRqrqXc

[LarryNut]

Absolutely love it! Just when I was thinking now he’s gonna have to thump the guy he spins around and clocks him with the forks. Awesome. I love how the guy thought he was gonna hurt his machine by kicking it lol.

[loghousenut]

Now THAT is a lawsuit!

[mudflap]

https://sysad.org/uploads/images/28c04fa650cae4b93a5f.jpg

I'll just leave here...

[Shark]

Haha yes true

Sent from my SM-G991U using Tapatalk

[rocklock]

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex..
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,

'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'
...........
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!'

The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'

The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'

The preacher said, 'No shit?'
.........
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'

'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'
..........
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense. 'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.'
..........
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?' After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'
..............
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'

.............
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These,' she explained, 'are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?' A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!

[rocklock]

QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!

.

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?

They're going to see you naked anyway...

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?

They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why, Why, Why

do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes,

why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses

are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE.........

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

[Shark]

There's some good ones in there!

Sent from my SM-G991U using Tapatalk

[BoFuller]

A Little Ranch Humor..... and our long stretches of Highways!

Yesterday, I had a flat tire on I-40

So I eased my truck and trailer over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out and reached in the side compartment, I took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my trailer facing on-coming traffic.

They looked so life like you wouldn't believe it! They're dressed in open trench coats that exposed their nudity to the approaching drivers.

To my surprise, cars started slowing down to look at my lifelike men. And, of course, traffic began backing up. Everybody beeped their horns and waved like crazy.

It wasn't long before a Highway Patrol pulled up behind me.
He got out of his car and walked towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!
"What's going on here?"

Well...
"My trailer has a flat tire," I said calmly.

“Ok
But What the heck are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"

I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him......
"Helloooooo, those are my emergency flashers!"

Always be prepared and safety first out here……seriously be careful. .


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro

[donjuedo]

Ha! That's pretty funny, Bo. And it's tempting to try ...

[RingofFire]

Two young men stepped inside the hunting club lobby and asked if they could join the club. The secretary said “Sure! I’ll go get the applications.” He told the boys to go have a seat beside Old Joe who was sitting on the bench alone. He told them Old Joe was the oldest member of the club and had a lot of great stories to tell. He asked Old Joe to tell the boys about his Kodak bear hunt while he went to get the applications. The two eager young men sat down beside Old Joe and he started telling the story. Joe said he was hunting on Kodiak Island 40 years ago. He and his guide were tracking a Huge grizzly that must have been over 10’ tall judging by his tracks. It was starting to get dark and the wind was blowing so hard they couldn’t hear a thing. Suddenly they caught a glimpse of a massive shadow slipping around the base of a hill. Joe said he and the guide scrambled up the hill, crawled through devils club and tall wet grass with the wind howling. Old Joe said, “Just as we topped the hill on our hands and knees to take a look over the edge, all of a sudden “ROAR!!!” (Old Joe stands up quickly with his arms stretched out and his fingers spread out like claws.) The two young men were startled but riveted and waiting for Joe to continue. Old Joe just stood there silent and somber. Finally one of the boys asked “What happened then Joe?” Joe quietly mumbled “I shat my pants”. The boys immediately responded “We understand Joe! Don’t be ashamed. We probably would have done the same thing!” Old Joe then said, “No, I mean just now. I shat my pants.”

[mudflap]

>Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

because when you spin dough in the air, it gets round. Cardboard? not so much....

[mudflap]

for you folks in idaho:

https://i.postimg.cc/sfH3Cst4/270757880-1351368848706387-8386495527677954789-n.jpg

[loghousenut]

It never involved ice, but I have had two of my cars underwater.

I know it's nothing to be proud of, but it may be a record.

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[donjuedo]

I gotta ask. How did it happen, and twice?

[loghousenut]

I gotta ask. How did it happen, and twice?First time was a 66 Chevy Malibu wagon that I took too far north on Long Beach in Washington. I used to have a photo of me on the roof as the first wave washed over it. We camped on the beach drinking peach Brandy. The car is still there.

The other was a 62 Corvair camper van. I camped in a deserted trailer park 5 miles upstream from the mouth of the Klamath River in northern California. I chose that spot because there was a good flood going on and I wanted to see it the next day.

3 am found me pulling on my pants with ankle deep water in the van. By the time I got my boots on, I was armpit deep. I got a hammock like bed strung up in a nearby bunch of Alder trees and spent the night keeping my head and feet above water. It was December of 81.

All night there was 8" of the van above water and my dog was inside. By 11:30 am the water had receded 3" and I was rescued by a couple of Yurok men in a sled boat, looking for Port Orford Cedar logs.

They rescued me and what gear I could find, and a very grateful dog. I had supposed she was dead. I rented a house from one of my saviors and 6 days later we winched the van out and towed it to my new home.

I spent 3 months completely dismantling and restoring the van and I sold it 40,000 miles later. That darned dog went through several such calamities and eventually died just before our Son was born. She was 16.

Both experiences were totally great experiences to survive. I would not be whoevernell I am without experiences like these.



Yes, I know they were both preventable... Me Mother told me that many years ago.



Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[loghousenut]

I appologize to those of you who have heard this story before. I am easily confused and thought I was over on the Yamaha TW200 forum where I dabble.

I suggest that you stop reading anything I post, as you have most likely read it before.

But, then again, if you are old and feeble minded like myself, it all looks fresh and new every time you see it.... Read on.

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[donjuedo]

Good story.

Read on? Works for me!

[mudflap]

https://sysad.org/uploads/images/8316d1e3cecd5e5bab80.jpg

[mudflap]

Spring is coming:

https://foto.dapor.org/upload/2021/07/01/20210701095458-9eca6840.gif

y'all stay safe out there...

[rreidnauer]

I can't deny that that is pretty impressive ingenuity.

Sent from my SM-G955U1 using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

I can't deny that that is pretty impressive ingenuity.

Sent from my SM-G955U1 using Tapatalk


I mean, if you're bushhogging, it ain't gonna give you pretty results, but if you're just sowing rice fields, then A+.

[LarryNut]

I can't deny that that is pretty impressive ingenuity.
Sent from my SM-G955U1 using Tapatalk

Exactly what I was thinking. That even looks like mudflap’s tractor.

[misplayed-hand]

Looks like even the deer in Alabama have issues. https://currently.att.yahoo.com/news/hunters-think-killed-8-point-203547993.html

[mudflap]

Looks like even the deer in Alabama have issues. https://currently.att.yahoo.com/news/hunters-think-killed-8-point-203547993.html

weird.
I bet the meat still tastes good, though.

[allen84]

weird.
I bet the meat still tastes good, though.

Might make you grow antlers.

[misplayed-hand]

weird.
I bet the meat still tastes good, though.

Might taste good but deer balls are no longer the cheapest cut of meat: two fer under a buck. (old joke)

[donjuedo]

weird.
I bet the meat still tastes good, though.

Yeah. Hmmm. When you chew, is it kinda doe-y?

[mudflap]

https://sysad.org/uploads/images/37bb2746845a9078d572.jpg

[allen84]

https://sysad.org/uploads/images/37bb2746845a9078d572.jpg

The orange and blue box stores still have decent deals around here. We have some great small sawmills and small Amish communities around here too.

[misplayed-hand]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4EUTMPuvHo

[loghousenut]

Daylight saving time is metric.

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[jgrajiola]

I’m not a fan of this sorcery!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

https://i.postimg.cc/cCmDXn51/275633428-156246570104562-8113204176165104884-n.jpg

[Shark]

Lol!
That is the exact amount I just paid for a pressure treated 2x10 last week.

Sent from my SM-G991U using Tapatalk

[loghousenut]

Around here, the tweakers are tearing apart houses. They are taking the wall studs and leaving the copper wiring.

[allen84]

The State of Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife sends a letter to a home/landowner asking for permission to access a creek on his property to document the decline in a certain species of unheard of frogs.

The property owners' response in the second letter is EPIC.

Letter from Washington Dept. Of Fish & Wildlife:

Dear Landowner:
WDFWR Staff will be conducting surveys for foothill yellow-legged frogs & other amphibians over the next few months. As part of this research we would like to survey the creek on your property. I am writing this letter to request your permission to access your property.

Recent research indicates that foothill yellow-legged frogs have declined significantly in recent years and are no longer found at half their historic sites. Your cooperation will be greatly appreciated and will help contribute to the conservation of this important species.

Please fill out the attached postage-paid postcard and let us know if you are willing to let us cross your property or not.

If you have any concerns about this project please give us a call. We would love to talk with you about our research.

Sincerely

Steve Niemela

Conservation Strategy Implementation Biologist

***************************** ******************************
****************************** *****************************

RESPONSE FROM LANDOWNERS:

Dear Mr. Niemela:

Thank you for your inquiry regarding accessing our property to survey for the yellow-legged frog. We may be able to help you out with this matter.

We have divided our 2.26 acres into 75 equal survey units with a draw tag for each unit. Application fees are only $8.00 per unit after you purchase the "Frog Survey License" ($120.00 resident / $180.00 Non-Resident). You will also need to obtain a "Frog Habitat" parking permit ($10.00 per vehicle).

You will also need an "Invasive Species" stamp ($15.00 for the first vehicle and $5.00 for each add'l vehicle) You will also want to register at the Check Station to have your vehicle inspected for Non-native plant life prior to entering our property. There is also a Day Use fee, $5.00 per vehicle.

If you are successful in the Draw you will be notified two weeks in advance so you can make necessary plans and purchase your "Creek Habitat" stamp. ($18.00 Resident / $140.00 Non-Resident).

Survey units open between 8 am. And 3 PM. But you cannot commence survey until 9 am. And must cease all survey activity by 1 PM.

Survey Gear can only include a net with a 2" diameter made of 100% organic cotton netting with no longer than an 18 in handle, non-weighted and no deeper than 6' from net frame to bottom of net. Handles can only be made of BPA-free plastics or wooden handles.

After 1 PM. You can use a net with a 3" diameter if you purchase the "Frog Net Endorsement" ($75.00 Resident / $250 Non-Resident).

Any frogs captured that are released will need to be released with an approved release device back into the environment unharmed.

As of June 1, we are offering draw tags for our "Premium Survey" units and application is again only $8.00 per application.

However, all fees can be waived if you can verify "Native Indian Tribal rights and status".

You will also need to provide evidence of successful completion of "Frog Surveys" and your "Comprehensive Course on Frog Identification, Safe Handling Practices, and Self-Defense Strategies for Frog Attacks."

This course is offered on-line through an accredited program for a nominal fee of $750.00.

Please let us know if we can be of assistance to you. Otherwise, we decline your access to our property but appreciate your inquiry.

Sincerely,

Larry & Amanda Anderson.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[loghousenut]

Allen, I suspect that you cut n pasted that from some Twitter thingy. If so, and if you don't mind a teeny lie, anyone who knows you would believe you wrote that first hand.

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[allen84]

"If you're gonna play the game, boy you gotta learn to play it right."
-The Gambler

[allen84]

And had I wrote that, it would have been to the TWRA about a rare salamander.

[allen84]

Hasn't really crossed my mind until now... At our farm, we mostly grow Eastern Cedar trees, rocks and salamanders.... And a few more acres when we can.

[allen84]

If the US was an Oregon donor.

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220323/1d5287320b267f125b9b333503e7c105.jpg

[misplayed-hand]

^We already have Detroit Will Breathe (a.k.a. BLM). Dont want or need any ANTIFA donations.

[allen84]

^We already have Detroit Will Breathe (a.k.a. BLM). Dont want or need any ANTIFA donations.

Facts and the joke thread may have just collided. Go figure.

[allen84]

:cool: blind, not cool.

[allen84]

I almost forgot Alaska and part of California was on the table.

[mudflap]

General Sherman is on his way out of Atlanta after burning it to the ground. He's heading out I-20.

When he gets to Stone Mountain he sees a lone Confederate soldier up atop it, cussing him and the entire Union Army.

"We can't have this," Sherman says to his command staff. "I mean, we got CNN with us, The New York Times, and this rebel is making us look bad."

So he turns to a sergeant and says, "Sergeant, send our best man up there to get that rebel off the mountain."

So the guy goes up and a few minutes later he comes flying off the mountain and lands in a bloody clump at Sherman's feet.

Says Sherman: "Send 10 men up there."

All 10 are killed and thrown off the mountain.

Says Sherman: "Send 100 men up there to get that Confederate."

One by one, 99 Union soldiers are thrown, dead, off the mountain. The last one crawls back down the mountain to his general, bleeding from every point of his body. He looks up and says:

"It's a trick, sir. There's two of them."


~ https://lucididiocyblog.blogspot.com/2007/06/its-trick-theres-two-of-them.html

[loghousenut]

General Sherman is on his way out of Atlanta after burning it to the ground. He's heading out I-20.

When he gets to Stone Mountain he sees a lone Confederate soldier up atop it, cussing him and the entire Union Army.

"We can't have this," Sherman says to his command staff. "I mean, we got CNN with us, The New York Times, and this rebel is making us look bad."

So he turns to a sergeant and says, "Sergeant, send our best man up there to get that rebel off the mountain."

So the guy goes up and a few minutes later he comes flying off the mountain and lands in a bloody clump at Sherman's feet.

Says Sherman: "Send 10 men up there."

All 10 are killed and thrown off the mountain.

Says Sherman: "Send 100 men up there to get that Confederate."

One by one, 99 Union soldiers are thrown, dead, off the mountain. The last one crawls back down the mountain to his general, bleeding from every point of his body. He looks up and says:

"It's a trick, sir. There's two of them."


~ https://lucididiocyblog.blogspot.com/2007/06/its-trick-theres-two-of-them.html
This joke makes me sit crooked on my motorcycles. Allow me to explain.

Many years ago, not long after Sherman's infamous march to the sea, I was a young Boy Scout. We were at summer camp and my troop was reenacting the above mentioned nearly true story as a campfire skit before the entire camp and parents.

We rewrote the script to reflect our location, smack in the middle of the great State of Texas. The protagonists were Aggies and Longhorns (look it up Brian). It was our smallest tenderfoot playing the underdog Aggie (to me the Aggies shoulda been the good guys) who was taunting us.

Our side sent in two groups of "men" to "take out" the lone Aggie, but they never came back. Then we sent in Biggun (pronounced big 'un), our undefeated secret weapon... Me.

I had a big knife in my belt, a bull whip, and a gun, as I stepped behind the curtain to meet with the lone Aggie on an honorable field of battle. Behind the curtain I was tossed to the ground, pants pulled off, shirt torn, mud rubbed on all exposed skin, a sling placed on one arm, and a dirty red bandage wrapped around head and eye. You can imagine.

Then I limped a real limp out onto the open stage and hoarsely said my punch line "It'sa trick, there's two of them".

I had busted my tailbone. As the gang was doing my "makeup" back stage, I got tossed onto a tent stake that was holding up our backdrop. Well the show must go on. I was at that age where I had finally found a way to not cry in front of anyone, but the rascal sure hurt.

It was Navy X-Rays, years later, looking at a broken hip that explained what was wrong. I'm gonna take it to my grave.

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[loghousenut]

PS... It is cute in the X-Rays. The tailbone curves down and forward like it is looking out front where the action is. Then that little pointy bone on the end leans back like it wants to see what's behind me.

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[loghousenut]

What is this world coming to? I guess I had an Archie Bunker moment (look it up, Allen) this morning.

I switched on the biggest TV in the world and it accidentally was on CNN. I do not know why it was on CNN. Must be some "random" thing like they do on Facebook.

Anyway it showed a bird's eye view of some parade they were having on Michigan Avenue in Chicago. I've been there more than once. I even saw The Bean, but because of COVID, we couldn't touch it.

Anyway, in this parade they had a group of 30 or more grown men, some with nice full, masculine beards, marching along wearing dresses. I mean REALLY?



Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[loghousenut]

Oh, and I got all upset and sidetracked with The Bean and all and forgot the nasty part. They were playing bagpipes. It was positively unholy.

BAGPIPES!!!

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[loghousenut]

There oughta be a law!

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

lol! that's a good story, LHN, for sure.

speaking of hated musical instruments....

https://diaspora.psyco.fr/uploads/images/b6f8cfdd4f30e6d79082.jpg

and

https://diaspora.psyco.fr/uploads/images/2821e747be144af00ca2.jpg

I always save these - my poor wife has to put up with me and my odd musical instruments...

[rreidnauer]

'Nut doesn't strike me as the type of individual that would dislike bagpipes. I'm wagering that he only says so for sake of the joke. [emoji6]

Sent from my SM-G955U1 using Tapatalk

[rreidnauer]

They say the hardest part of recovering from the weekend, is the first five days afterwards.

Sent from my SM-G955U1 using Tapatalk

[loghousenut]

Bagpipes are arguably the most annoying "instruments?" devised by man/woman. A flute or a violin could make the same noise if they wanted to, but they are more civilized than the bagpipe.

I'd haveta place bagpipes in the same pile with gutters and centimeters.


If Dennis the Menace lived next door to me and had a bagpipe, I'd give him my favorite pocket knife as a gift and then I'd ask if he ever wondered what was inside his bagpipe that made all that noise.

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[allen84]

Anyway, in this parade they had a group of 30 or more grown men, some with nice full, masculine beards, marching along wearing dresses. I mean REALLY?



Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

If they were wearing a bunch of makeup it’d be a little strange…. But dresses keep you cool and breezy in the heat. This one is even open on the back to let out the stink and all.

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220617/d54d6be80bdba06a7140220c60622a73.jpg

[mudflap]

nice to see you smiling, Allen.

how long till you get paroled?

[allen84]

nice to see you smiling, Allen.

how long till you get paroled?

Thanks! Sounds like I'll get out of here on Sunday... But only to be locked up somewhere else.

[donjuedo]

I'm glad you're on the mend, Allen.

[mudflap]

https://i.imgur.com/ytY24PT.jpg

[mudflap]

https://diaspora.psyco.fr/camo/3cfd843f2381dea4141986b00cfe2bcfdb9f8beb/68747470733a2f2f6d656469612e73636f7265642e636f2f70 6f73742f614b5a41524d6277714a51522e6a706567

makes me think of LHN and a bunch of others on here, lol. maybe me.....

[loghousenut]

Who... Me? https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220809/d69bf3b109802866993aa6db61068212.jpg

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

lol. yes.

that cabin never gets old.

[loghousenut]

Only the occupants get old.

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

Don't shoot me, Rcklmbr, but this is classic:

https://i.postimg.cc/LsCg82mF/Capture.png

lol!

[donjuedo]

I love that!

[allen84]

Very offensive.

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220812/bcfd7425b84b3dcaed5b927c27bd4280.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[loghousenut]

I know that porch!

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

wha??? censored? moi?

ok - I figured it out - it's hidden because I said "chink" instead of "sand, lime, mortar". This happened before. Also on a log home group. need to train their AI that there's an offensive and a non-offensive version of that word....

[mudflap]

https://media.scored.co/post/vUDRxOBLWFXl.jpeg

something to offend everyone!

[Shark]

Haha nice

Sent from my SM-G991U using Tapatalk

[loghousenut]

THIS PART WOULDNT BE THAT TOUGH????

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[loghousenut]

On second thought, it probably wouldn't be that tough.

All that ideal weather makes us fat, lazy, and spoiled.

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

On second thought, it probably wouldn't be that tough.

All that ideal weather makes us fat, lazy, and spoiled.

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

or provides a nice smokescreen. :)

[donjuedo]

LOL! Thanks, mudflap. My favorites are "This part wouldn't be that tough" and "even the liberals have guns". I guess I'll sleep better tonight.

[mudflap]

https://diaspora.psyco.fr/uploads/images/scaled_full_b95722481d546e965796.jpg

alright, enough funny stuff, back to work!

[loghousenut]

Must be some valuable stuff in there. The burglar is wearing a mask.

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[LogHomeFeverDan]

Did ya'll hear about the roof???

Nevermind, it's over your head.


Please don't ban me. (-;

[mudflap]

https://diaspora.psyco.fr/uploads/images/5156f680a1fdb8a70eba.jpg

I got a few of these.

[allen84]

But is it wrong? You know how much time I've saved by just adding motor oil instead of changing it!?

[mudflap]

But is it wrong? You know how much time I've saved by just adding motor oil instead of changing it!?

I'm guessing "years"....

How's your back, anyway? you 100%, or are you like my dog and you "think" you're at 100%? :)

[mudflap]

Cool dog: https://i.imgur.com/HwKmHUS.mp4

[allen84]

I'm guessing "years"....

How's your back, anyway? you 100%, or are you like my dog and you "think" you're at 100%? :)

Back feels great. My legs don't work like they used to, so nowhere near 100%, but I've always been a dog.

[loghousenut]

I read that Jesus believed in Santa til he was 12 years old.

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

[allen84]

I read that Jesus believed in Santa til he was 12 years old.

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

Still does... Now that they're all grown, Jesus believes Santa will be on time to lay brick every morning. If he doesn't show up for work, Jesus believes Santa is home with the brown bottle flu.

Jesus is like a fart. You might not see or hear him, but there will be evidence of his presents.

Merry Christmas. Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Jesus.

I joke. But seriously.

[loghousenut]

Seriously, I am joking too. That's some supernatural stuff you are saying there, Allen.

When I fart, there is MUCHO evidence, both visual and olfactorily.

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

https://youtu.be/nVrFzg4xWps

LHN - you ever eat at waffle house? yeah.....

[mudflap]

For the un-initiated, here's what happened in Georgia:


https://youtu.be/aNEtxFjyDio

now she's going to take over for Jon Renner as the newest Avenger... - already has a comic version of herself:

https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/waffle-house-wendy-viral-hero-1234655493/

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FlLdTwbX0AMk6ss?format=jpg&name=900x900


I think I should send her some of my homemade pulleys....she's way beyond needing a telehandler....

[allen84]

That's just a slightly above average night at the Awful Waffle. I was there once when an employee called out of work, from jail. Problem was, he called the wrong Waffle House location... But they were all so proud that he used his telephone call to try and let someone know he wouldn't be at work.

My son and I went for late night Waffle House when it was snowing a few weeks ago. Some fool called and asked if they were open... DUH, Yes. Then the person proceeded to make a carry-out order. When she got off the phone I said, "I bet they don't even show up for it." As we were finishing eating, the staff was bagging up the carry-out order and the phone rang... It was the person canceling their order because they couldn't get out of their driveway. Waitress said, "You were right! Wanna take home some free food?" Gave us the entire order... 6 people in my house, it did not go to waste.

[Shark]

Ah tasty waffle house.

Can you make my waffle with less than a full scoop of butter?
(Followed by a wierd look of of, why do you want Less butter??)

Last time we tried to go there, a big rat ran by the door. We turned around and went somewhere else lol

Sent from my SM-G991U using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

That guy in the video reminds me of Ronnie.

[loghousenut]

Well, I've seen a bunch of them Waffle Homes, but never stopped in.

Maybe I'll do it someday.

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

[allen84]

Well, I've seen a bunch of them Waffle Homes, but never stopped in.

Maybe I'll do it someday.

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

Send me your address, I'll mail you a WH hat.

[mudflap]

Send me your address, I'll mail you a WH hat.


I'm guessing the hat doesn't taste as good as one of their waffles. We used to eat there a lot when we lived by one. They're almost as ubiquitous as Dollar General. The waffle recipe is pretty complicated.

[loghousenut]

Send me your address, I'll mail you a WH hat.I don't wear sports logos.

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

[allen84]

You mean to tell me, mudflap lives in Alabama and doesn't have a Waffle House hat?

LHN, it's not sport and only becomes a competition when chairs are being tossed. Mostly Friday and Saturday nights.

[loghousenut]

How much for tickets near the dugouts?

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

[allen84]

Usually between 5 and 15 bucks. It's whatever made up number the waitress decides. And if you want the full experience, sit near the end of the high top bar, you'll probably get splashed with dirty dish water.

It sounds gross, but it is sooo good.

[mudflap]

when guys with telehandlers upgrade to mow their hedges:

https://diaspora.psyco.fr/camo/c49d0715f3b4b00c3e57ed2db993722dc80f3d06/68747470733a2f2f7777772e6261726e6f72616d612e636f6d 2f77702d636f6e74656e742f75706c6f6164732f323032332f 30332f7468655f6261636b796172645f656e67696e6565725f 7265646e65636b5f6469795f736f6c7574696f6e732d312e6a 7067

[Shark]

See, aren't you wishing you had one now?
Lol, that's totally safe!

Sent from my SM-G991U using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

YES!!!!

How about this one - something to offend everyone - but I'm worried about Allen and LHN the most....

https://diaspora.psyco.fr/camo/266c518d3cf5464bd63f25542834b5cf16008545/68747470733a2f2f6d656469612e73636f7265642e636f2f70 6f73742f336d796a3979555a4e4d4f542e706e67

[loghousenut]

YES!!!!

How about this one - something to offend everyone - but I'm worried about Allen and LHN the most....

https://diaspora.psyco.fr/camo/266c518d3cf5464bd63f25542834b5cf16008545/68747470733a2f2f6d656469612e73636f7265642e636f2f70 6f73742f336d796a3979555a4e4d4f542e706e67Mosquitoes ? Oregon... Mosquitoes?


I am quite certain that we have more 1972 Hemi Cuda Convertibles than we have mosquitoes.

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

https://cdn.videy.co/r9bKY6Cl.mp4

[mudflap]

https://media.scored.co/post/JsYb6TEZpDsE.jpeg

When you need that special tool...

[loghousenut]

https://media.scored.co/post/JsYb6TEZpDsE.jpeg

When you need that special tool...Don't get it yet. The big Easter coupon sale is right around the corner.

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

Don't get it yet. The big Easter coupon sale is right around the corner.

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

fine. I'll just have to put that retranking of my lug grout on hold. I guess it can wait.

[mudflap]

When you know....you know....

https://diaspora.psyco.fr/uploads/images/scaled_full_d3bf970f1b2592920886.png

[allen84]

I don't care where the jack or jackstand is from, they all freak me out.

[Shark]

When you know....you know....

https://diaspora.psyco.fr/uploads/images/scaled_full_d3bf970f1b2592920886.pngHaha true.

I always leave the jack under the vehicle, in addition to the jack stands, of in underneath.

Sometimes if it's a long project I'll roll the wheels/tires under the frame too

Sent from my SM-G991U using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

https://media.scored.co/post/M1hy8s94hkfg.jpeg

lol.

[allen84]

Good idea. I've been wanting a new fishing pole.

[loghousenut]

I've got closets full of them.

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

[allen84]

I've got closets full of them.

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

I bought a closet full of them at a yard sale some years back. It was about 130 or so of them. There were some antiques in the bunch too.

[mudflap]

https://media.scored.co/post/wSFEEr6wZJJY.png

Make it so.

And make Slamasha the gov.

And then get rid of the stupid energy requirements.

And then move into your beautiful cabin.

[loghousenut]

There is a better alternative. Won't matter to Slamasha due to geography. Still, it would not help Slamasha... They would still reside in califo... err, I mean Washington.




https://www.greateridaho.org/

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

[allen84]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20230821/6b67eb950add9b3d7c3d75156b406c17.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[loghousenut]

My mother used to say I was the biggest turd she'd ever dropped.

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

[allen84]

I’d say this one’s for the Trekkies but, Star Trek is so real, they probably wouldn’t appreciate the joke…

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20230824/0d754cd15d75669d3a1fb3609c63ac9a.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[allen84]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20230905/3354ebb22d378e6fa71bf907e888198a.jpg

[allen84]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20230905/e837d1853479fdce0ea866060b53281d.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

bunch of good ones, Allen.

found this at lowe's today:

https://i.postimg.cc/W3WZj8Wy/modified-20230905-112920.jpg

it's a joke, right? ;)

[allen84]

I'm trying to figure out what the purpose of the keyhole shaped cutouts are.

[mudflap]

I'm trying to figure out what the purpose of the keyhole shaped cutouts are.

so you can connect two slabs together and make a table or something. I'm sure the hardware is $25 a piece.....

[loghousenut]

I have found that if I rout two or more grooves in the unseen side, and then fill the grooves with 1"x1" square steel tubing that is epoxied in, everything stays tight and unwarped. Even my countertops, that are 2-1/2" thick solid slabs got that treatment.

Those butterflies really artsy, and I know they must do a good job, but a lot of the YouTube butterflies are little more than veneer.

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

[loghousenut]

OK that last LHN guy has been sipping the sheep dip again. He is totally, 100% right on about the butterfly inlays. And he's right about epoxying in the steel brace bars in the underside of the table or countertop.

Those keyhole cutouts are probably for some other kinduva mechanical strengthener that remains to be clarified.

Sorry for the diversion, but I'm sure it is a necessary diversion until Brian chimes in with the technical explanation.

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

[Shark]

Yeah I feel if you are buying"live edge'anything from a big box store, you're doing it wrong.

jandjloghome.blogspot.com

[mudflap]

I just don't get the mentality of buying live edge from a big box "truck our wood in from all over the country" kind of place.

craigslist (or fb marketplace if that's your bag) will show you that sawmillers are thick as thieves in many areas.

Anyway, yeah, I don't know about the hardware, it all just seems kind of silly to me.

[allen84]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20231102/f4ddc9d91ede9f35e34a6dba0e3daea2.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

got a kick out of this one:
https://i.imgur.com/koB5a6l.jpeg
Merry Christmas

[mudflap]

Hey Allen -
I found you some blocks:

https://files.catbox.moe/y58sgx.jpg

just don't tell the guy what you're building with them....

[stecklergreg@gmail.com]

Better, Faster, Cheaper, Safer. That's the mantra of many of us that are into AI. And to show you ChatGPT4's response to Steve White's open mike request for Dad Jokes at the end of each Sundy live LHBA broadcast, I asked ChatGPT if he had five examples of Dad jokes;

Can you give me five examples of "Dad Jokes"?
ChatGPT
Certainly! Dad jokes are known for their simple, often pun-based humor. Here are five examples:

Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up.

I would tell you a joke about an elevator, but it's an uplifting experience.

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.

I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

User
Thank you. This is going to be such fun.
ChatGPT
You're welcome! I'm glad to hear that you're excited about sharing these jokes. Dad jokes have a unique charm that can bring a smile to just about anyone's face. If you need more jokes or anything else, feel free to ask. Have a great time spreading the laughter!







It took 3 seconds

[loghousenut]

You need to catch up to the latest, Greg. You called ChatGPT a him but I heard he/she came out as transgender and has joined a female Pickle Ball team that is headed to Tokyo for the big playoffs.

Still, impressive enough Dad Jokes.

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

[Shark]

AI is going to be the downfall of society.
Just wait, you heard it here first.

jandjloghome.blogspot.com

[mudflap]

I think the AI stuff is mostly just hype at this point. Remember back when they said computers were going to eliminate the need for paper? still hasn't happened. I still keep a paper notebook - it doesn't crash, it works in bright sun, I never need to charge it, it stores my ideas pretty much forever, I don't have to remember a filename, and I can easily flip back and forth between two ideas. Rotating the images is a breeze. It can even take on a little water without losing my data. I can drop it 50 times a day without it cracking. Oh, and it was like $20 because I bought the brandname.

[loghousenut]

Is it waterproof?

How about fire?

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

[loghousenut]

Now that I have my new hip, and am only 70 years old, every morning, when I finally wake up, I tell Patty I'm going jogging today. She always laughs out loud (lol).

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

[loghousenut]

It's a running joke in our house.

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

[donjuedo]

I see whatcha did there, LHN. Kudos!
LOL!

[Shark]

It's a running joke in our house.

Sent from my Pixel 6a using TapatalkLol great

jandjloghome.blogspot.com

[allen84]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20240422/1707402233e9d447e1008d0792c8f432.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[jgrajiola]

Hahahaha!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[loghousenut]

Hey, isn't that the cubicle that Steve used to do the Sunday Zoom from?

Sent from my Pixel 6a using Tapatalk

[allen84]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20240707/56f1bcf71c0f287773eacdd41b3d7b4b.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[jgrajiola]

[emoji1787]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[allen84]

[emoji1787]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

The bartender…

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20240707/ab638d62e9d9e88d15a4ddcc7502ddaf.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[jgrajiola]

The bartender…

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20240707/ab638d62e9d9e88d15a4ddcc7502ddaf.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

This AI photos are something else! Weird spot for a belly button [emoji1787]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[mudflap]

https://diaspora.psyco.fr/camo/dcffb7a2d74753e67262dca3484202616ecbbbfd/68747470733a2f2f66696c65732e636174626f782e6d6f652f 6e396d6d62312e6a7067