What happens when you give a lawyer Viagra?
They get taller!
Just love this one. I can just imagine it being told by
George Burns.
An elderly gentleman wakes before dawn, makes himself
a cup of coffee, and as he has done for so many years,
takes his rod & reel down to the local lake. As he is sitting
in his rowboat he hears a small voice;
"Help me"
"Help me"
He looks down to see a small frog swimming in the lake.
The frog looks up at him and says,
"You must help me! I'm a beautiful princess, but a wicked witch cast an evil spell on me and turned me into a frog, but if you'll kiss me I'll once again become a gorgeous princess with a stunning voluptious body. We'll be married, and have hot steamy sex for hours on end every day, and when you walk down the street I'll hang on your arm and we will make all your friends sick with envy."
The old man thought about it, then reached down into
the water, scooped out the frog, and put her in his shirt
pocket. "Thanks" he said, "but at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
I just love that one!
G'pa
Last edited by ChainsawGrandpa; 05-23-2011 at 06:37 PM. Reason: Safety
A?general gets killed in battle? and? at the pearly gates he meets Saint Peter and sees some of his family and tells Peter he wants in. Peter says I can let you in one condition that you spell a word...ok says the general ....what is the word.....Love says Peter---so he spells the word gets in.?
2 years go by and Peter ask the general to watch the gates he has to leave for a few days...ok says the general....Sure enough there is a person at the gate?? the general recognizes that its the enemy soldier who killed him in battle. The soldier apologizes to the general--oh I am so sorry general-etc.....General says no worries? but?I can't let you in here unless you spell a word----sure says soldier.....what's the word???
The general?says?? Czechoslovakia
In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large thorn deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him.
For several tense moments Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the amazing events of that day.
Twenty years later he was walking through a zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help but wonder if this was the same elephant.
Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around Mbembe's leg and smashed him against
the concrete wall, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
What do you get when you cross and elephant and a rhino?
'ell if i know......
How do you get an elephant into a Safeway paper bag?
You take the S out of safe and the F out of way.
.............
.............
Wait a minute...... there's no F in way!!
HA! HA! ha.......
yeah, lame.
DOH!!!
That was freaking funny.
edkemper
Hehe this is SO funny. Copyright on it though, so found a page that had it with permission.
here is the link for it and just scroll down till ya find it.
Should be worth it.:P
http://www.cowboypoetry.com/mcrae.htm
Curtis
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