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Thread: Joke thread (Don't read if you don't like funny)

  1. #401
    LHBA Member rreidnauer's Avatar
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    Ha! I thought for sure you were going to say he speaks Spanish, but this was even funnier!

    (I admit, there have been a few conversations with Southerners that I could barely understand)

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  2. #402
    LHBA Member rocklock's Avatar
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    TWO TOUGH QUESTIONS

    QUESTION 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant,who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

    Read the next question before scrolling down to the answer of this one.

    QUESTION 2: It is time to elect a new world leader, and your vote counts.

    Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:

    CANDIDATE A: Associates with crooked politicians,and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to
    10 martinis a day.


    CANDIDATE B: He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.


    CANDIDATE C: He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extramarital affairs.

    Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first, no looking, then scroll down for the answer.
























    CANDIDATE A is Franklin D. Roosevelt

    CANDIDATE B is Winston Churchill

    CANDIDATE C is Adolph Hitler



    And by the way - Answer to the abortion question if you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.

    Pretty interesting isn't it. Makes a person think.

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    If you are gonna be dumb, you better be TOUGH!

  3. #403
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    So, another true story. I can't make this stuff up...
    I spoke with a friend on the phone earlier today. They recently got back from a trip to Florida. He said one morning while he was there he went to a donut shop to for, you guessed it, Donuts. He ordered "half a dozen donuts." Girl behind the counter taking the order replied, "You can order 6 or 12."

  4. #404
    LHBA Member rreidnauer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by allen84 View Post
    So, another true story. I can't make this stuff up...
    I spoke with a friend on the phone earlier today. They recently got back from a trip to Florida. He said one morning while he was there he went to a donut shop to for, you guessed it, Donuts. He ordered "half a dozen donuts." Girl behind the counter taking the order replied, "You can order 6 or 12."
    What exactly is taught in the course of 12 years of schooling these days?

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    Rod Reidnauer
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    Thinking outside the vinyl sided box

  5. #405
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    Quote Originally Posted by rreidnauer View Post
    What exactly is taught in the course of 12 years of schooling these days?

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    Right? Maybe she was absent for that lesson. I told my buddy he should have made it a learning moment and taught her about a baker's dozen too. Seems like the knowledge of 1/2 dozen and a whole dozen might should have been an interview question for a donut shop job.

  6. #406
    I'm always surprised when a cashier counts you change back from the sales price to the amount you tendered. Most are clueless unless they can see a number on the computer screen.
    “None of us is as smart as all of us.” ― Kenneth H. Blanchard
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  7. #407
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    Quote Originally Posted by misplayed-hand View Post
    I'm always surprised when a cashier counts you change back from the sales price to the amount you tendered. Most are clueless unless they can see a number on the computer screen.
    I recently tried to hand a cashier an extra dollar, after he already plugged it into the computer, so he could give me back a $5 instead of 4 ones. By the look on his face he was mind blown. I said "nevermind, I'm just gonna spend it all somewhere anyways."

  8. #408
    LHBA Member rreidnauer's Avatar
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    Reminds me of a retail job I had when I was 16 or 17. Old style register with a bunch of buttons you'd press before hitting the register lever. It was electrified, so you didn't have to turn a crank. (though, you could if so desired!) You had to enter tax manually too, and it would not register change to give back. You had to know how to figure out change, and counting up was the norm. They had an electronic register too, but I avoided it like the plague. In the 80's, those electronic registers were temperamental as heck, and if you didn't enter everything just so, it would have a fit.

    Yeah, today, everything is brainless tasks, until you throw a wrench into the works, like you did that extra dollar. That is what annoys me about going to an auto parts place these days too. If the computer can't spit back a result for what you are looking for, the guy at the counter is utterly useless. Sure do miss old wisdom.

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  9. #409
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    Those auto parts people probably think I'm crazy... Sometimes, when you're working on Frankenstein, you just have to go in the back and visually pick out the item you need!! LOL And they don't much like letting the customer behind the counter.

  10. #410
    LHBA Member mudflap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by allen84 View Post
    Those auto parts people probably think I'm crazy... Sometimes, when you're working on Frankenstein, you just have to go in the back and visually pick out the item you need!! LOL And they don't much like letting the customer behind the counter.
    I just tell them "Ellery sent me down here to look". He's my mechanic friend. Anytime I drop that name, everybody knows him and they let me get whatever part I need. I even got my landcruiser's head resurfaced at a racing shop that literally only works on drag-car engines. cost me $50 with his name. Having a mechanic as a friend is priceless. He's a cranky banjo player on top of it all. ....'course, I'm an accordion player, so I guess we're even. We're both going to play at the ladies medieval themed church night in a week or so- we have to come up with an hour's worth of "renaissance music"- me on the ukulele, him on the guitar. Hope it works out....If not- well, this is the joke thread, so I'll let y'all know....
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