Joke thread (Don't read if you don't like funny)

**chadfortman** · 02-27-2009, 09:50 AM

Look, listen and learn
A man who works with his hands is a laborer,
A man who works with his hands and his head is a craftsman,
A man who works with his hands, his head and his heart is an artist.
St Francis of Assisi.

I will take the tea spoon

JD · 02-27-2009, 03:18 PM

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

????????? 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.? For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

????????? The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

????????? So God Agreed.

????????? On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

????????? 'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.? For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

????????? The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years?? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

????????? And God agreed.

????????? On the third day, God created the cow and said:

????????? 'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

????????? The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

????????? And God agreed again.

????????? On the fourth day, God created humans and said:

????????? 'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life.? For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

????????? But the human said: 'Only twenty years?? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

????????? 'Okay,' sai d God, 'You asked for it.'

????????? So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.? For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.? For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.? And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

**rreidnauer** · 02-27-2009, 04:46 PM

A ventriloquist cowboy was riding in the country and saw a rancher sitting on his porch with his dog.

Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"
Rancher: "This dog don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it goin'?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Rancher: (Look of extreme shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing at rancher)
Dog: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Rancher: (Look of disbelief)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Rancher: "Horses don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it goin'?"
Horse: "Cool."
Rancher: (An even wilder look of shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing at rancher)
Horse: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Rancher: (Look of total amazement)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Rancher: (Gesticulating wildly and hardly able to talk)......"Them sheep ain't nothin' but liars, every darned one of 'em!!!!

**Steve Wolfe** · 02-28-2009, 10:00 AM

Does anyone remember those quick reads and who they were written by? Here are a few old ones.

Rusty Bedsprings by I. P. Nightly
Under The Bleachers by Seymour Fanny
Spots On The Wall by Whoo Flung Poo
Yellow River by I.P. Freely

**huffjohndeb** · 02-28-2009, 12:57 PM

This converstaion between my son amd myself actually happened.

Father to 11 year old son "Do you have the permission slip"
Son "Yes"
Father "Did your mom give it to you"?
Sone "Yes"
Father "Give me the permission slip"
Son "Mom says you have it"

Now the rest of the story
Mom told Dad to fill out the permission slip. dad forgot to do it.

**chadfortman** · 03-03-2009, 03:41 AM

Hey you guys working over there with the oil companys.
I think i might need borrow some cash if i even get one gallon there ahhahaha

http://gmy.news.yahoo.com/v/12291721