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Thread: Joke thread (Don't read if you don't like funny)

  1. #121
    LHBA Member spiralsands's Avatar
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    Thank you Rod!

    At last! A good laugh!!!

    Here's another...

    A man ran through a crowded train looking very agitated, calling out, "Is there a Catholic priest on board?"

    When he got no reply, he ran back up the train shouting, "Is there an Anglican priest on board?" Still no reply.

    By now becoming more desparate, he ran down the train shouting, "Is there a Rabbi on board?"

    Eventually, a gentleman stood up and said, "Can I be of any assistance, my friend? I'm a Methodist minister."

    The man looked at him and said, "No, you're no bloody good. I need a corkscrew!

  2. #122
    LHBA Member spiralsands's Avatar
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    Yuhjn

    If we kill the joke thread then we need to kill the recipe threads, the gardening threads, the alternate power threads and any thread that anyone could possibly mention anything which could be construed as controversial. Hunting, vegetarianism, lifestyle choice, veteran status (I am one too), environmentalism, mentions of TEOWATKI etc are all rife with threats of someone exposing a belief system. When I see these threads, if I have nothing positive to contribute I ignore them. Some people always have to attempt to impose their infallible beliefs, right or wrong, on everyone else. I don't care to dominate anyone like that. I'm not gonna sit here and argue with anyone about anything.

    I just wanna read some good funny jokes. If some in this crowd can't do that, then maybe some shouldn't read the thread. Maybe they are just a wee bit too defensive to human daily life outside their remote cabin hermitage.

    BTW, got a joke Yuhjn?

    Frances


  3. #123
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    Joke thread

    i dig this thread...i hope admin leaves it up..i read it cuz it makes me laugh. and i also dig the recipe thread ( ive made stuff from it )...and to hear about gardening ( cuz i cant grow anything! ) so its nice to stop by..get some advice on what kind of so and so to use for my roofing...or stain.....get some lunch ideas and a quick laugh. so.. IMHO i think they add something to the forum...and id like to see all of them stay.

    i have no joke to add..so ill leave it there : )

  4. #124
    LHBA Member spiralsands's Avatar
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    Dreamin' of Spring Training...

    What are O.J.'s favorite baseball teams?
    The Red Sox and the Dodgers.

    What baseball team does Pee Wee Herman like?
    The Yankees.

    What is the difference between Yankee fans and dentists?
    One roots for the yanks, and the other yanks for the roots.

    What takes longer, running from first base to second, or from second to third?
    Second to third, because you have to go through a shortstop.

  5. #125
    LHBA Member spiralsands's Avatar
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    Couldn't resist...

    During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these four religious truths:

    1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God?s chosen people.

    2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

    3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

    4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.

  6. #126
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    jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by spiralsands
    BTW, got a joke Yuhjn?
    Yes I did have jokes but they were all deleted.

    Dont get me wrong, I was one of the people suggesting we needed an off-topic forum where people could talk about anything they wanted free of moderation.

    That was my suggestion, but it was decided not to go that route and instead police the existing forums more strictly.

    And my point is why even have a joke thread if half the posts get deleted and the moderators have to keep going back in and doing maintenance on it? It's not providing some great service to the members. If you want to read jokes there are many websites that provide them. We dont need to provide jokes on the LHBA forum for member's amusment.

    And there are plenty of members who will derail a thread if the moderators allow it, myself included.

    This is shown very clearly in this thread. Someone makes a homosexual joke and someone who is sensitive to that subject shoots back with a jab about that person's 3000 year old desert-sky-god, and how a god could be such a homophobe. You see where this is going?

    My point is, if you're going to go around deleting posts and threads all the time, you might as well take out the unnecessary threads (like joke threads that have nothing to do with log homes) compeltely.

    It serves no real benifit to the members and produces a lot of work for moderators. So why even have it?

    Your own reaction is a great example. You're upset because the thread is being over-moderated. So in response you post a number of jokes cracking on religeon, just begging to be moderated again.

    Is this really what we want?

  7. #127
    LHBA Member rreidnauer's Avatar
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    A man and his ever-nagging

    A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

    The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he just would have her shipped home.

    The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

    The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

  8. #128
    LHBA Member rocklock's Avatar
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    Marine vs.Terrorist

    Marine vs.Terrorist
    A U.S. squad was marching north of Basra when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in similar but less serious state.

    The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men,the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

    The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

    "I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife, scumbag, and he yelled back.
    "Senator Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat, left wing liberal drunk."
    So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean spirited woman!"
    He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well so does Hillary Clinton!"

    "And, there we were, standing in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."

  9. #129
    LHBA Member rocklock's Avatar
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    From My Brother-in-law who lives in Aztec, NM

    YOU MIGHT BE FROM NEW MEXICO IF:
    You buy salsa by the half-gallon.
    You are still using the paper license tag that came with your car five years ago.
    Your favorite restaurant has a Chile list instead of a wine list.
    You do all your shopping and banking at a drive-up window.
    Your Christmas decorations include "a yard of sand and 200 paper bags".
    You have license plates on your walls but not on your car.
    Most restaurants you go to begin with "El" or "Los".
    You remember when Santa Fe was not like San Francisco.
    You hated Texans until the Californians moved in.
    The tires on your roof have more tread than the ones on your car.
    You price shop for tortillas.
    You have an extra freezer just for green chile.
    You think a red light is merely a suggestion.
    You believe that using a turn signal is a sign of weakness.
    You don't make eye contact with other drivers because you can't tell how well armed they are just by looking.
    You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful front lawn.
    You have to sign a waiver to buy hot coffee at a drive-up window.
    You ran for state legislature so you can speed legally.
    You pass on the right because that's the fast-lane.
    You have read a book while driving from Albuquerque to Santa Fe.
    You know they don't skate at the Ice House and the Newsstand doesn't sell newspapers.
    You think Sadie's was better when it was in the bowling alley.
    You have used aluminum foil and duct tape to repair your air conditioner.
    You can't control your car on wet pavement.
    There is a piece of a UFO displayed in your home.
    You know that The Jesus Tortilla is not a band.
    You wish you had invested in the orange barrel business.
    You just got your fifth DWI and got elected to the state legislature in the same week.
    Your swamp cooler got knocked off your roof by a dust devil.
    You have been on TV more than three times telling about your alien abduction..
    You can actually hear the Taos hum.
    All your out-of-state friends and relatives visit in October.
    You think Vegas is a town in the northeastern part of the state.
    You iron your jeans to "dress up".
    You don't see anything wrong with drive-up window liquor sales.
    Your other vehicle is also a pick-up truck.
    Two of your cousins are in Santa Fe, one in the legislature the other in the state pen.
    You know the punch line to at least one Espanola joke.
    Your car is missing a fender or bumper.
    You have driven to an Indian Casino at 3 am because you were hungry.
    You think the Lobos fight song is "Louie,Louie". (Actually, I always thought the Lobos fight song was the theme to The Mike Roberts Show!)
    You know whether you want "red or green."
    You're relieved when the pavement ends because the dirt road has fewer potholes.

  10. #130

    New Mexico

    Having lived in Albuquerque, I can verify that most of these are actually true.

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