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Thread: Joke thread (Don't read if you don't like funny)

  1. #411
    LHBA Member mudflap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rreidnauer View Post
    What exactly is taught in the course of 12 years of schooling these days?

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    Not much that's good. As a math teacher- I had to "unteach" about 9 years of fractions and common core taught wrong by elementary school teachers. so frustrating. I brought in a bunch of change (this was an algebra class), and we played customer and cashier one day. taught them how to count back change correctly without a calculator. crazy what they don't know these days. On the other hand, that also means the new generation won't be coming for our jobs any time soon, now don't it?
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  2. #412
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
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    That next post is really exciting. This one was a duplicate post, and therefore deserves your ignorance.
    Last edited by loghousenut; 03-14-2018 at 02:37 PM.
    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

  3. #413
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
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    OK, enough of the holyerthanthou stuff about counting change. I was just as dumb as any of them when I went to work at the filling station at 17. I learned how to count change the same way those guys on the Omaha Beach learned how to run through sand... I had to. It was expected back then and it was a skill that everyone had to learn. I didn't learn to type.

    Years later when I was cashiering at the Muffin store, I always counted back the customer's change. Once in awhile an old frat would comment on how nobody does that anymore, but mostly the folks just waited patiently for me to give them their money and stuffed it away without worrying too much about it. As I got better at cashiering I started challenging myself to improve my speed. I darned sure wasn't going to shut my trap and concentrate like a zombie, just for the sake of a few seconds per customer... these folks drove miles to get here just to see me.... I am their favorite cashier.

    So I stopped being the only cashier in the place who counted back the change. The machine knew exactly what I should be doing so it told me exactly how much to give them. They were looking right at the little screen and they saw what the machine said to do. That meant that $32.40 cents turned into $20,$10,$2 fanned out for everyone to see, and a pile of change that nobody cared about. Three seconds per customer times 42 customers per hour equals... however many seconds per hour the machine says it is. It was free time that made me a better cashier and that's what the boss wanted. EVERYBODY IS HAPPY!

    That said, I will admit that I would occasionally get flustered by that "Here's two dollars to make it an even twelve" thing. They didn't say it that way, but sometimes that's how I'd hear it. I can totally understand how some punk green kid could get thrown for a loop trying to figure it out... But then again, have you ever tried to have a conversation with two of them at once? they speak perfect english with a bit of a foreign language tossed in and they roll their eyes when we normal folks can't figure it out.

    All in all I think I have to just think back at how ignorant and inexperienced I was at that age and then think how my Grandad musta thought about me. Maybe that's why he liked working alone when I was around. Give 'em a break.
    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

  4. #414
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    I've posted this here before... But while we're on the subject, here's a throwback to my favorite cashier Mr. Hank. This is classic Mr. Hank. The man has jokes for days. Often he would announce your total in hundreds, $5.27... FIVE HUNDRED TWENTY-SEVEN DOLLARS!! Watch til the end.
    http://fox17.com/news/local/stinky-s...er-pipe-breaks

  5. #415
    LHBA Member jrdavis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mudflap View Post
    <<cut>> He's a cranky banjo player on top of it all. ....'course, I'm an accordion player, so I guess we're even. We're both going to play at the ladies medieval themed church night in a week or so- we have to come up with an hour's worth of "renaissance music"- me on the ukulele, him on the guitar. Hope it works out....If not- well, this is the joke thread, so I'll let y'all know....
    Okay -- that just sounded LIKE the beginnings of a joke...
    banjo, ukulele..... hope it works out...

    sorry. It SOUNDED funny in my head.

  6. #416
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    Grandma is eighty-nine years old and still drives her own car.

    She writes:

    Dear Grand-daughter,

    The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.

    I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

    So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

    Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

    I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

    It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

    I found that lots of people love Jesus!

    While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'

    'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

    What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

    Everyone started honking!

    I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

    I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

    There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach..

    I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

    I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

    He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

    Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

    My grandson burst out laughing.

    Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

    A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

    I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

    So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

    I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

    So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

    Will write again soon,

    Love, Grandma

  7. #417
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
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    Great story. I am sure it is true. John McCain would be proud... Look it up, Bo.

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    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

  8. #418
    LHBA Member BoFuller's Avatar
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    Love it.

    Don’t ruin it by mentioning John McCain. That traitor needs to go.


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  9. #419
    LHBA Member BoFuller's Avatar
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    If I ever see old McCain, I’ll give him the Hawaiian good luck sign.


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  10. #420
    Geez and here I thought you Navy guys stuck together...
    Last edited by misplayed-hand; 04-07-2018 at 11:49 PM.
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