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Thread: Joke thread (Don't read if you don't like funny)

  1. #561
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    The State of Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife sends a letter to a home/landowner asking for permission to access a creek on his property to document the decline in a certain species of unheard of frogs.

    The property owners' response in the second letter is EPIC.

    Letter from Washington Dept. Of Fish & Wildlife:

    Dear Landowner:
    WDFWR Staff will be conducting surveys for foothill yellow-legged frogs & other amphibians over the next few months. As part of this research we would like to survey the creek on your property. I am writing this letter to request your permission to access your property.

    Recent research indicates that foothill yellow-legged frogs have declined significantly in recent years and are no longer found at half their historic sites. Your cooperation will be greatly appreciated and will help contribute to the conservation of this important species.

    Please fill out the attached postage-paid postcard and let us know if you are willing to let us cross your property or not.

    If you have any concerns about this project please give us a call. We would love to talk with you about our research.

    Sincerely

    Steve Niemela

    Conservation Strategy Implementation Biologist

    ***************************** ******************************
    ****************************** *****************************

    RESPONSE FROM LANDOWNERS:

    Dear Mr. Niemela:

    Thank you for your inquiry regarding accessing our property to survey for the yellow-legged frog. We may be able to help you out with this matter.

    We have divided our 2.26 acres into 75 equal survey units with a draw tag for each unit. Application fees are only $8.00 per unit after you purchase the "Frog Survey License" ($120.00 resident / $180.00 Non-Resident). You will also need to obtain a "Frog Habitat" parking permit ($10.00 per vehicle).

    You will also need an "Invasive Species" stamp ($15.00 for the first vehicle and $5.00 for each add'l vehicle) You will also want to register at the Check Station to have your vehicle inspected for Non-native plant life prior to entering our property. There is also a Day Use fee, $5.00 per vehicle.

    If you are successful in the Draw you will be notified two weeks in advance so you can make necessary plans and purchase your "Creek Habitat" stamp. ($18.00 Resident / $140.00 Non-Resident).

    Survey units open between 8 am. And 3 PM. But you cannot commence survey until 9 am. And must cease all survey activity by 1 PM.

    Survey Gear can only include a net with a 2" diameter made of 100% organic cotton netting with no longer than an 18 in handle, non-weighted and no deeper than 6' from net frame to bottom of net. Handles can only be made of BPA-free plastics or wooden handles.

    After 1 PM. You can use a net with a 3" diameter if you purchase the "Frog Net Endorsement" ($75.00 Resident / $250 Non-Resident).

    Any frogs captured that are released will need to be released with an approved release device back into the environment unharmed.

    As of June 1, we are offering draw tags for our "Premium Survey" units and application is again only $8.00 per application.

    However, all fees can be waived if you can verify "Native Indian Tribal rights and status".

    You will also need to provide evidence of successful completion of "Frog Surveys" and your "Comprehensive Course on Frog Identification, Safe Handling Practices, and Self-Defense Strategies for Frog Attacks."

    This course is offered on-line through an accredited program for a nominal fee of $750.00.

    Please let us know if we can be of assistance to you. Otherwise, we decline your access to our property but appreciate your inquiry.

    Sincerely,

    Larry & Amanda Anderson.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  2. #562
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
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    Allen, I suspect that you cut n pasted that from some Twitter thingy. If so, and if you don't mind a teeny lie, anyone who knows you would believe you wrote that first hand.

    Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk
    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

    I love the mask mandate. I hardly ever have to bruh my teeth anymore.

  3. #563
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    "If you're gonna play the game, boy you gotta learn to play it right."
    -The Gambler

  4. #564
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    And had I wrote that, it would have been to the TWRA about a rare salamander.

  5. #565
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    Hasn't really crossed my mind until now... At our farm, we mostly grow Eastern Cedar trees, rocks and salamanders.... And a few more acres when we can.

  6. #566
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    If the US was an Oregon donor.


  7. #567
    ^We already have Detroit Will Breathe (a.k.a. BLM). Dont want or need any ANTIFA donations.
    “None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

  8. #568
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    Quote Originally Posted by misplayed-hand View Post
    ^We already have Detroit Will Breathe (a.k.a. BLM). Dont want or need any ANTIFA donations.
    Facts and the joke thread may have just collided. Go figure.

  9. #569
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    blind, not cool.

  10. #570
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    I almost forgot Alaska and part of California was on the table.

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