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Thread: Joke thread (Don't read if you don't like funny)

  1. #431
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    Unfortunately, there was a shooting at Nashville's largest mall today... But this was the best eyewitness interview of the day. One person was shot and killed in a confrontation between 2 people. News hyped it up to be something way bigger than what it was but this guy kept it real AND he almost got a tan... I hope he has record sales at his kiosk tomorrow. Heck, I might go buy something from him.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_6iPPaIVb8

  2. #432
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    This is pretty good too... It's about our complicated English language... And maybe more humorous than an eyewitness report of a shooting but I'll leave that up to you...
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiLnnuiCzuo

  3. #433
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    A Husband takes his wife to a disco.
    There's a guy on the dance floor living it large - break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.
    The wife turns to her husband and says : "See that guy?
    51 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
    Husband says : "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!


    This is funny but slightly unrealistic I think. I just turned 34... It's been at least 34 years and a couple months since I could do a back flip.
    Last edited by allen84; 05-05-2018 at 08:51 PM.

  4. #434
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    A guy is looking for a place to sit in a crowded library.
    He asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?
    The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON 'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
    All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.
    After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said with a laugh:
    "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?
    The guy then responded in a loud voice: "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? . . . THAT'S ROBBERY!"
    All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
    The guy then whispered in her ear: "I study law: I know how to screw people."

  5. #435
    It has been said that to be funny, a joke must contain a grain of truth. Last week at the barbershop I got a good laugh all around with this one:

    The joke:
    My girlfriend asked me why I carry a gun around the house...
    I rolled my eyes, looked around and whispered: "The gubermint is listening".
    She laughed, I laughed, the Amazon Alexa laughed.
    I shot Alexa.

    Funny right?

    The Grain of Truth
    "A Portland family contacted Amazon to investigate after they say a private conversation in their home was recorded by Amazon's Alexa -- the voice-controlled smart speaker -- and that the recorded audio was sent to the phone of a random person in Seattle, who was in the family’s contact list."
    https://www.kiro7.com/www.kiro7.com/...tact/755507974

    Still think its funny? o.O
    “None of us is as smart as all of us.” ― Kenneth H. Blanchard
    Ecclesiastes 2:18-25

  6. #436
    LHBA Member mudflap's Avatar
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    well, "Seattle"...., right?

    But yeah. They've already subpeona'd recordings from these things and used them in court. Why you would ever have one of those in your house is beyond me. We banned the kids from playing that 'pokemon go' game anywhere near the house. They roll their eyes when we want to protect our privacy- "why do you care- you got something to hide?" But I respond, "why is it any of their business- why do they want to know?" I always end with , "vault 7, kids- google it".

    My mechanic says all new cars after about 2001 probably have tracking devices built in. I said how do you know? he said, how do you know they don't? He's ASE certified in 8 areas, so I doubt anybody knows more about cars around here....
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  7. #437
    LHBA Member rreidnauer's Avatar
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    That was the very first thing I thought of when those things came out. Why would one want a corporate entity listening in on every word spoken in the privacy of one's home? With all the cries of privacy invasion, people sure have no problem tossing away their privacy. He'll, cell phones are risky enough for potential wiretapping/eavesdropping.

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  8. #438
    LHBA Member mudflap's Avatar
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    I know it's the joke thread (but this country is turning into a joke)- I read an article related to the vault 7 issue- every iphone ever made was intercepted by the NSA at the post office and loaded with spyware. They then re-packaged them (I think apple provided the new packaging), and sent them on their way. Yes, I said "every iphone". This was documented. I bet the same goes for Android. There's also a list of non-hackable phones (mostly old Nokia's- it's basically any non-smart phone).
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  9. #439
    LHBA Member Kola's Avatar
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    Well dang-gummit !!!! I just got me one a dem' celly-phones. You tellin me Trumps boyz are listenin in on me ??? I best tell the little misses cuz she makes a hellavua racket when we be doing the funky-monkey at night. This ain't good. Nope.
    "If guns kill, spoons make people fat, and pencils msipell wrods."

  10. #440
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kola View Post
    Well dang-gummit !!!! I just got me one a dem' celly-phones. You tellin me Trumps boyz are listenin in on me ??? I best tell the little misses cuz she makes a hellavua racket when we be doing the funky-monkey at night. This ain't good. Nope.
    If they are listening to anybody, I'd think it would be you.... And the MISSES???!!!

    Who knew there was a MISSES???!!!

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