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Thread: Joke thread (Don't read if you don't like funny)

  1. #491
    LHBA Member Shark's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mosseyme View Post
    . It is a potentially humorous subject as long as in the end it is taken seriously.
    Don't you mean seriously taken in the end?

    There's the joke lol
    Completed #1 - Sold #1.....#2 about to start
    http://jandjloghome.blogspot.com/

  2. #492
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
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    Is it a thread hijack if it 100% true but funnier than fiction? You be the judge.

    Yesterday I bought one of those cargo carriers that fits in the hitch receiver on the back of a Jeep or minivan on vacation. It's for our cute little Toyota motorhome. Found it on Craigslist for $25 from a nice sounding lady named Stephanie. She named the little bar/deli where she worked and said just stop in anytime between 9am and 6pm.

    Well I walked in the front door and asked the first official looking lady which one was Stephanie. She pointed her out as the leader of the 3 lady crew way back behind the bar. I sat at the bar and pulled $25 out of my wallet as one of the other ladies tried to serve me. Holding the $25 up I said I had business with Stephanie.

    She shouted "Stephanie, he's yours".

    Stephanie figured it out and and shouted "Let's go out to the alley. Where's your car?".

    The two guys right beside me knew how funny this was all turning out so I elbowed the close one and loudly proclaimed that "This must happen a lot around here".

    Poor beet red Stephanie got to acting like Gramaw when she burped in the middle of the sermon, and before the minute was up everyone in the place knew every detail of the transaction including color, texture, original cost, and how much she was selling it for. All I could do was agree but it made it no less funny.


    There is no way to reliably set up these scenarios. You just have to live a clean life and pray that God drops them on you when you are thinking clearly enough to take full advantage.
    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

  3. #493
    LHBA Member rreidnauer's Avatar
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    Always fun when things unexpectedly unfold like that!!

    Sent from my SM-G955U1 using Tapatalk
    All my bad forum habits I learned from LHN

    Rod Reidnauer
    Class of Apr. 9-10, 2005
    Thinking outside the vinyl sided box

  4. #494
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    She won't forget you, 'Nut. LOL!

  5. #495
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
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    “I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.” – Steven Wright
    Last edited by loghousenut; 03-25-2020 at 10:23 AM.
    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

  6. #496
    I laughed a couple of times. Hopefully you will too.

    Tick Farmer

    “None of us is as smart as all of us.” ― Kenneth H. Blanchard

  7. #497
    LHBA Member mudflap's Avatar
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    there it is. LHBA motto.
    --
    "cutting trees is more important than thinking about cutting trees or planning to cut trees." ~ F. David Stanley

    videos: https://www.bitchute.com/channel/mudflap/
    blog: https://loghomejourney.wordpress.com
    diaspora: https://diasp.org/i/bcd179c35cd5

  8. #498
    LHBA Member rreidnauer's Avatar
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    Universally true.

    Sent from my SM-G955U1 using Tapatalk
    All my bad forum habits I learned from LHN

    Rod Reidnauer
    Class of Apr. 9-10, 2005
    Thinking outside the vinyl sided box

  9. #499
    LHBA Member mudflap's Avatar
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    TOOLS EXPLAINED
    DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
    WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t'
    DROP SAW : A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
    PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
    BELT SANDER : An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
    HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
    VISE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
    OXYACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
    TABLE SAW : A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
    HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
    BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
    TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
    PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
    STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
    PRY BAR : A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
    HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to make hoses too short.
    HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
    UTILITY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
    ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: aka "Another hammer", aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe", aka "Crescent Wrench". Commonly used as a one size fits all wrench, usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers. Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted buckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity.
    Son of a bitch TOOL : Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
    --
    "cutting trees is more important than thinking about cutting trees or planning to cut trees." ~ F. David Stanley

    videos: https://www.bitchute.com/channel/mudflap/
    blog: https://loghomejourney.wordpress.com
    diaspora: https://diasp.org/i/bcd179c35cd5

  10. #500
    LHBA Member rreidnauer's Avatar
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    I use that last tool regularly!
    So much so, that the neighbor has stopped asking if I'm OK when I proceed with playing out the requirements of using aforementioned tool.

    Sent from my SM-G955U1 using Tapatalk
    All my bad forum habits I learned from LHN

    Rod Reidnauer
    Class of Apr. 9-10, 2005
    Thinking outside the vinyl sided box

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