Well Folks... This is no joke but I hope you will think it's not not funny and read it anyway.
A little backstory. I am at that age where my Doctor wants me to have a colonoscopy every time the property tax bill is due. I have passed with flying colors each time so far, so I compromise with him and I let him have his way with me about every 5 years or so.
Here it is, 1:33am and I am drinking down the last of that glorious liquid that will scour put my guts clean enough to use as sausage casings. If you haven't gone through it, imagine mixing a fifth of Bourbon with a big jar of pickle juice and stirring in a cupanahalf of kosher salt and 15 bullion cubes... beef... with the foil on.
Then drink it. Then drink a half gallon of water to push it all down.
For those of you who don't know me, I had bariatric surgery 3 years ago. A dedicated team of skilled surgeons sliced off most of my gloriously stretchy stomach and tossed it in the stainless steel bucket where it can no longer assist me in the chore of eating myself into a stupor. Now, what is left of my stomach acts like a 5" chunk of old garden hose. Do they really think I can drink all that down for supper and then again at midnight?
Well it is now 2:00am and the liquid is shooting right on through like it was the express train passing through Cozad, Nebraska on its way to Denver carrying mail from New York. I have little desire to risk going back to bed when it is so warm and comfy here where I sit.
But none of that has anything to do with why I posted this in the Joke Thread instead of the Plumbing Thread over on the member's side of the forum.
Some 15 years ago I was marking reciepts at the exit door of the Muffin store where I worked. It was slow so I chatted up the well dressed couple who were my victims at the moment. I knew I knew them so I asked them who they were. Come to find out he is the Doctor who did my colonoscopy. His Wife said that she was his assisting nurse and they both apologized for not recognizing me. Of course I unbuckled my belt as I turned around and pretended that I was going to drop my pants. If you are on my side of The Rockies you probably heard her shriek.
Well from then on, they always recognized me.
But none of that has anything to do with why I posted this in the Joke Thread instead of the Plumbing Thread.
At 9:30am I will be sparsely dressed in girlish attire and they will ask me to lay on my side on the slab in the room where they put me under and sodomized me with a 5' long enema-like thing. Taped to my hind end will be a $5 bill and a note, written in Sharpie pen that says "EXTRA LUBE PLEASE".
Yup, They will remember me.
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