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Thread: Joke thread (Don't read if you don't like funny)

  1. #571
    LHBA Member mudflap's Avatar
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    General Sherman is on his way out of Atlanta after burning it to the ground. He's heading out I-20.

    When he gets to Stone Mountain he sees a lone Confederate soldier up atop it, cussing him and the entire Union Army.

    "We can't have this," Sherman says to his command staff. "I mean, we got CNN with us, The New York Times, and this rebel is making us look bad."

    So he turns to a sergeant and says, "Sergeant, send our best man up there to get that rebel off the mountain."

    So the guy goes up and a few minutes later he comes flying off the mountain and lands in a bloody clump at Sherman's feet.

    Says Sherman: "Send 10 men up there."

    All 10 are killed and thrown off the mountain.

    Says Sherman: "Send 100 men up there to get that Confederate."

    One by one, 99 Union soldiers are thrown, dead, off the mountain. The last one crawls back down the mountain to his general, bleeding from every point of his body. He looks up and says:

    "It's a trick, sir. There's two of them."


    ~ https://lucididiocyblog.blogspot.com...o-of-them.html
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    "cutting trees is more important than thinking about cutting trees or planning to cut trees." ~ F. David Stanley

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  2. #572
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mudflap View Post
    General Sherman is on his way out of Atlanta after burning it to the ground. He's heading out I-20.

    When he gets to Stone Mountain he sees a lone Confederate soldier up atop it, cussing him and the entire Union Army.

    "We can't have this," Sherman says to his command staff. "I mean, we got CNN with us, The New York Times, and this rebel is making us look bad."

    So he turns to a sergeant and says, "Sergeant, send our best man up there to get that rebel off the mountain."

    So the guy goes up and a few minutes later he comes flying off the mountain and lands in a bloody clump at Sherman's feet.

    Says Sherman: "Send 10 men up there."

    All 10 are killed and thrown off the mountain.

    Says Sherman: "Send 100 men up there to get that Confederate."

    One by one, 99 Union soldiers are thrown, dead, off the mountain. The last one crawls back down the mountain to his general, bleeding from every point of his body. He looks up and says:

    "It's a trick, sir. There's two of them."


    ~ https://lucididiocyblog.blogspot.com...o-of-them.html
    This joke makes me sit crooked on my motorcycles. Allow me to explain.

    Many years ago, not long after Sherman's infamous march to the sea, I was a young Boy Scout. We were at summer camp and my troop was reenacting the above mentioned nearly true story as a campfire skit before the entire camp and parents.

    We rewrote the script to reflect our location, smack in the middle of the great State of Texas. The protagonists were Aggies and Longhorns (look it up Brian). It was our smallest tenderfoot playing the underdog Aggie (to me the Aggies shoulda been the good guys) who was taunting us.

    Our side sent in two groups of "men" to "take out" the lone Aggie, but they never came back. Then we sent in Biggun (pronounced big 'un), our undefeated secret weapon... Me.

    I had a big knife in my belt, a bull whip, and a gun, as I stepped behind the curtain to meet with the lone Aggie on an honorable field of battle. Behind the curtain I was tossed to the ground, pants pulled off, shirt torn, mud rubbed on all exposed skin, a sling placed on one arm, and a dirty red bandage wrapped around head and eye. You can imagine.

    Then I limped a real limp out onto the open stage and hoarsely said my punch line "It'sa trick, there's two of them".

    I had busted my tailbone. As the gang was doing my "makeup" back stage, I got tossed onto a tent stake that was holding up our backdrop. Well the show must go on. I was at that age where I had finally found a way to not cry in front of anyone, but the rascal sure hurt.

    It was Navy X-Rays, years later, looking at a broken hip that explained what was wrong. I'm gonna take it to my grave.

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    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

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  3. #573
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
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    PS... It is cute in the X-Rays. The tailbone curves down and forward like it is looking out front where the action is. Then that little pointy bone on the end leans back like it wants to see what's behind me.

    Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk
    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

    I love the mask mandate. I hardly ever have to bruh my teeth anymore.

  4. #574
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
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    What is this world coming to? I guess I had an Archie Bunker moment (look it up, Allen) this morning.

    I switched on the biggest TV in the world and it accidentally was on CNN. I do not know why it was on CNN. Must be some "random" thing like they do on Facebook.

    Anyway it showed a bird's eye view of some parade they were having on Michigan Avenue in Chicago. I've been there more than once. I even saw The Bean, but because of COVID, we couldn't touch it.

    Anyway, in this parade they had a group of 30 or more grown men, some with nice full, masculine beards, marching along wearing dresses. I mean REALLY?



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    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

    I love the mask mandate. I hardly ever have to bruh my teeth anymore.

  5. #575
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
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    Oh, and I got all upset and sidetracked with The Bean and all and forgot the nasty part. They were playing bagpipes. It was positively unholy.

    BAGPIPES!!!

    Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk
    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

    I love the mask mandate. I hardly ever have to bruh my teeth anymore.

  6. #576
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
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    There oughta be a law!

    Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk
    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

    I love the mask mandate. I hardly ever have to bruh my teeth anymore.

  7. #577
    LHBA Member mudflap's Avatar
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    lol! that's a good story, LHN, for sure.

    speaking of hated musical instruments....



    and



    I always save these - my poor wife has to put up with me and my odd musical instruments...
    --
    "cutting trees is more important than thinking about cutting trees or planning to cut trees." ~ F. David Stanley

    videos: https://www.bitchute.com/channel/mudflap/
    blog: https://loghomejourney.wordpress.com
    diaspora: https://diaspora.psyco.fr/people/613...39001e67d879df
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  8. #578
    LHBA Member rreidnauer's Avatar
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    'Nut doesn't strike me as the type of individual that would dislike bagpipes. I'm wagering that he only says so for sake of the joke.

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  9. #579
    LHBA Member rreidnauer's Avatar
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    They say the hardest part of recovering from the weekend, is the first five days afterwards.

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  10. #580
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
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    Bagpipes are arguably the most annoying "instruments?" devised by man/woman. A flute or a violin could make the same noise if they wanted to, but they are more civilized than the bagpipe.

    I'd haveta place bagpipes in the same pile with gutters and centimeters.


    If Dennis the Menace lived next door to me and had a bagpipe, I'd give him my favorite pocket knife as a gift and then I'd ask if he ever wondered what was inside his bagpipe that made all that noise.

    Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk
    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

    I love the mask mandate. I hardly ever have to bruh my teeth anymore.

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