Page 47 of 49 FirstFirst ... 374546474849 LastLast
Results 461 to 470 of 490

Thread: Joke thread (Don't read if you don't like funny)

  1. #461
    LHBA Member mudflap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Location
    North Alabama
    Posts
    2,122
    Blog Entries
    47
    --
    "cutting trees is more important than thinking about cutting trees or planning to cut trees." ~ F. David Stanley

    videos: https://www.bitchute.com/channel/mudflap/
    blog: https://loghomejourney.wordpress.com
    diaspora: https://diasp.org/i/bcd179c35cd5

  2. #462
    LHBA Member rreidnauer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Allegheny highlands
    Posts
    10,128
    I must have missed the memo.

    Sent from my SM-G955U1 using Tapatalk
    All my bad forum habits I learned from LHN

    Rod Reidnauer
    Class of Apr. 9-10, 2005
    Thinking outside the vinyl sided box

  3. #463
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Grants Pass, Oregon.
    Posts
    10,963
    Blog Entries
    1
    Well Folks... This is no joke but I hope you will think it's not not funny and read it anyway.

    A little backstory. I am at that age where my Doctor wants me to have a colonoscopy every time the property tax bill is due. I have passed with flying colors each time so far, so I compromise with him and I let him have his way with me about every 5 years or so.

    Here it is, 1:33am and I am drinking down the last of that glorious liquid that will scour put my guts clean enough to use as sausage casings. If you haven't gone through it, imagine mixing a fifth of Bourbon with a big jar of pickle juice and stirring in a cupanahalf of kosher salt and 15 bullion cubes... beef... with the foil on.

    Then drink it. Then drink a half gallon of water to push it all down.

    For those of you who don't know me, I had bariatric surgery 3 years ago. A dedicated team of skilled surgeons sliced off most of my gloriously stretchy stomach and tossed it in the stainless steel bucket where it can no longer assist me in the chore of eating myself into a stupor. Now, what is left of my stomach acts like a 5" chunk of old garden hose. Do they really think I can drink all that down for supper and then again at midnight?

    Well it is now 2:00am and the liquid is shooting right on through like it was the express train passing through Cozad, Nebraska on its way to Denver carrying mail from New York. I have little desire to risk going back to bed when it is so warm and comfy here where I sit.

    But none of that has anything to do with why I posted this in the Joke Thread instead of the Plumbing Thread over on the member's side of the forum.

    Some 15 years ago I was marking reciepts at the exit door of the Muffin store where I worked. It was slow so I chatted up the well dressed couple who were my victims at the moment. I knew I knew them so I asked them who they were. Come to find out he is the Doctor who did my colonoscopy. His Wife said that she was his assisting nurse and they both apologized for not recognizing me. Of course I unbuckled my belt as I turned around and pretended that I was going to drop my pants. If you are on my side of The Rockies you probably heard her shriek.

    Well from then on, they always recognized me.

    But none of that has anything to do with why I posted this in the Joke Thread instead of the Plumbing Thread.

    At 9:30am I will be sparsely dressed in girlish attire and they will ask me to lay on my side on the slab in the room where they put me under and sodomized me with a 5' long enema-like thing. Taped to my hind end will be a $5 bill and a note, written in Sharpie pen that says "EXTRA LUBE PLEASE".

    Yup, They will remember me.

    Sent from my LGL83BL using Tapatalk
    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

  4. #464
    LHBA Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Poolesville, MD, building in WV
    Posts
    1,196
    Laughing out loud, here! Oh, I never saw that, uh, ending coming. Maybe you've started a trend, too.

  5. #465
    Great story LHN! I bet if you printed it out, stuck it on a jar and put the jar on the muffin store counter you would soon have enough donations to buy a tattoo so your wife wouldn't have to write your request out with a sharpie twice a year. Just a thought...
    “None of us is as smart as all of us.” ― Kenneth H. Blanchard

  6. #466
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Grants Pass, Oregon.
    Posts
    10,963
    Blog Entries
    1
    Well, it worked.

    Before...



    Sent from my LGL83BL using Tapatalk
    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

  7. #467
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Grants Pass, Oregon.
    Posts
    10,963
    Blog Entries
    1
    After...

    Sent from my LGL83BL using Tapatalk
    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

  8. #468
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Grants Pass, Oregon.
    Posts
    10,963
    Blog Entries
    1
    Those health care professionals are a lot of fun.

    Sent from my LGL83BL using Tapatalk
    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

  9. #469
    LHBA Member BoFuller's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Seligman, Arizona
    Posts
    3,396
    Bro, TMI.







    You’re hopeless, Bro.








    But I still won’t disown you, no matter how hard you try.




    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro

  10. #470
    LHBA Member rreidnauer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Allegheny highlands
    Posts
    10,128
    Welp, let's see how many pints of whiskey it'll take to get me to forget I saw this.

    Sent from my SM-G955U1 using Tapatalk
    All my bad forum habits I learned from LHN

    Rod Reidnauer
    Class of Apr. 9-10, 2005
    Thinking outside the vinyl sided box

Similar Threads

  1. A Book For Everyone To Read Before Building
    By WalkingHorseLady in forum General discussion about log homes and cabins
    Replies: 56
    Last Post: 05-06-2011, 06:12 PM
  2. Forum rules - please read before posting
    By Admin in forum Solar energy and alternative power
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-09-2005, 04:42 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •