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Thread: Joke thread (Don't read if you don't like funny)

  1. #381
    Apparently the following is funny as the locals tell it to me every time I visit my build site:

    What's the difference between a good Yankee and a damn Yankee?
    A good Yankee comes down, stays awhile, and goes home.
    A damn Yankee comes down and stays.

    I don't get it either.
    “None of us is as smart as all of us.” ― Kenneth H. Blanchard
    Ecclesiastes 2:18-25

  2. #382
    LHBA Member
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    Sounds as if maybe you talk funny and they like to see you leave. They'll have a new one for you, if you become a permanent resident.

    People around here are funny about "outsiders". Tho, I'm guessing that kind of stuff probably goes on everywhere. Laugh with them, it is a little funny after all.... here's a good one for a comeback the the damn yankee joke, the country boys will get it haha... "everybody likes a little ass, nobody likes a smart ass."
    Last edited by allen84; 10-13-2017 at 11:14 AM.

  3. #383
    Mmmm, I may talk funny but my family has owned property in the area since 1914. Largest farm in the area for those who have been around long enough to know. So I don't think I'm the outsider but of course it doesn't really matter what I think.
    “None of us is as smart as all of us.” ― Kenneth H. Blanchard
    Ecclesiastes 2:18-25

  4. #384
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    Well, it's been over a hundred years. When are you moving here for good? Give me a call next time you ride thru Nashville... I won't make fun of how you talk (no promises). I must talk funny too cause most people figure I'm not from here.

  5. #385
    LHBA Member mudflap's Avatar
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    Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat.
    "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, "Here, try these on."
    So, she did and said: "These are too big, I can't wear them.'"
    So I replied: "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and always will. Ever since that night we have never had any problems."

    Jack thought that might be a good thing to try. So on his honeymoon he took off his pants and said to Jill: "Here try these on."
    She did and said: "These are too large, they don't fit me."
    So Jack said: "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that."

    Then Jill removed her pants, handed them to Jack and said: "Here, you try on mine."
    He tried and said: "I can't get into your pants."
    So she said: "Exactly. And if you keep acting like that, you never will."
    --
    "cutting trees is more important than thinking about cutting trees or planning to cut trees." ~ F. David Stanley

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  6. #386
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
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    Poor Jack.

    I could predict the rest of his life from experience, but I WON'T!... Nobody ever warned me.
    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

  7. #387
    With the recent cold snap (and lull in posts) I thought it was time for a public service announcement





    “None of us is as smart as all of us.” ― Kenneth H. Blanchard
    Ecclesiastes 2:18-25

  8. #388
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    You so funny misplayed-hand... No joke, southern ice and southern snow is a real thing you could possibly come experience one or three days a year. That thermometer showing 40, 60 and 74 is very accurate... 74 degrees and snow or 60 degrees and ice in the same 12-24 hour period happens... And at 40 degrees, bread and milk may be nearly or completely sold out. A chance of snow or ice (even a good rain) could make or break a new tow truck company around here.

    And I believe southern ice can happen at least as far north as northern KY. When I was in elementary school my buddy's dad lived but lost an ear, rolling his work van multiple times after hitting black ice. A tool box that could have killed him during the rollover removed his ear.

  9. #389
    hilarious, Misplayed!!!

  10. #390
    LHBA Member loghousenut's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by allen84 View Post
    You so funny misplayed-hand... No joke, . When I was in elementary school my buddy's dad lived but lost an ear, rolling his work van multiple times after hitting black ice. A tool box that could have killed him during the rollover removed his ear.
    I wonder what that sounded like.
    Every time I have strayed from the teachings of Skip Ellsworth it has cost me money.

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