oh my. the infection is worse than I thought....
My ex's grandmother's dying wish was for me to play a hymn on the accordion at her funeral. So, I learned one of her favorites. When my part in the program came up, I got out the accordion and went to the front of the audience. Meanwhile, the funeral director was holding a microphone in front of the accordion with a puzzled look on his face while he tried to decide where the sound came out of it. I said quietly (so as to not disturb the attendees) that a microphone wouldn't be necessary.
The guy was probably hard of hearing because he responded, "where do you want the microphone?"
"I don't need a microphone." I said a little louder.
"But where does the sound come out?" He persisted.
"Everywhere. You can just go stand in the parking lot if you'd like," I finally said.